So, which is it? Here we are? Or Hier sind wir? Are we English oder Deutsch? Welche Sprache gewinnt? Which language do I speak at home? At weekends? When out?
We are another one of London’s thousands of bilingual families. My husband is English (lovingly referred to as the Englishman) and I am Austrian, grew up in Surrey, but had a German education. So I have experienced bilingualism since I was born. Here are 3 case studies: Me. My stepmum. My children.
Me: growing up bilingually worked for me, as the dominant language in my life was German in an English environment – school was German, our au pair girls were German , my father was German (speaking) and I went to Austria on holiday. My English was near to perfect from just living in the country. Interestingly, my brothers went to an English school – and their German really suffered. That taught me Lesson 1:
Lesson 1: the “foreign” language has to be as dominate if possible as the local language will always be learnt easily and can easily overtake.
Lesson 2: having gone to university here, and living here since, my English now dominates. There will always be one language that is stronger and this is perfectly fine!
My stepmum: by coincidence, my stepmother’s mother was German. She come over “after the war” and married an Englishman. She spoke German with her daughter (i.e. my stepmum) until she was 5 – at which point my stepmum started school and refused to speak it. My “step-grandmother” didn’t push – I think she was of the generation that “assimilated”, rather than sticks to their roots. Here is Lesson 3:
Lesson 3: children want to be the same as their peers and are v likely to reject the “strange language” that only their mother speaks. Though probably shouldn’t force them speak it, you can persevering at speaking “at them”. Then at least they learn to understand the language.
My children: these days, the importance of heritage is regarded as very important! And (in my view) language is very important part of heritage and culture. I love being “half Austrian” and enjoy the richness it brings into my life. So I am keen for my children to experience the same. I also believe that growing up bilingually made me more open to other languages and cultures. So bilingualism it is. My children are only 2 yrs and 2 mths, so it is early days. However, already it is challenging – do I only speak German? Do I only speak German if on my own? Etc etc. Luckily my husband is just as keen as I am on our children speaking both language (I think this is key to success).
So this is our approach – doesn’t mean it is the “right” or “only” approach!!
1) Create consistency rules of speaking
I speak German when I am on my own. I speak English when I am in English company and a mixture when my husband is around.
2) Company
Seek out other German speakers, so that mummy isn’t the only one speaking the strange language and that there is more of an incentive to speak
3) Holidays
Send them on holidays to German speaking relatives & friends
4) Schooling
We are seriously considering sending our children t the German School in London (currently doing our sums). This will be the best way to secure that German dominates.
5) Persevere
If they decide they don’t want to speak German, fine, but I must go on speaking “at” them in German, combined with holidays abroad, where they can see the “value” of another language, they will at least pick up some of it!
6) Books & DVDs
We have thousands of German books and some DVDs – the DVDs are a great way of easing your conscience when you feel they are watching a bit too much TV – it can’t be that bad if they are learning German whilst they are at it?!?!
Time will be the judge on whether our approach works. My son currently understand both languages equally but has a greater vocabulary in English – though it does depend on the topic and who taught him the word first (I was in hospital with my daughter for 2 weeks around the time his vocab kicked off – so there were suddenly lots of new English words learnt from granny..). Will be interesting how this all changes in the years to come! Watch this space!!!
Loved this book on the topic: I liked it, because it wasn’t prescriptive, but just gave you lots of case studies of what worked for others!
The Bilingual Family: A Handbook for Parents -by Edith Harding-Esch, Philip Riley
I always wondered how you ‘do’ a bilingual family! Interesting article, thank you!